WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
