you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
