I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
