I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
