You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
