I don't usually arrange sex via text message
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
