Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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