Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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