i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
