i just wanna soil my oats bro
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
