When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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