either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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