so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
