i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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