Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
