oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
