just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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