He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
