Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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