Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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