yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just found puke in my bra..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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