Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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