The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
