Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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