This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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