It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
