Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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