the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
