What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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