This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
