Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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