You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
