woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
