I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
