The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you win again, gameday.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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