Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
