New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
