Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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