She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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