This house was built for laser tag.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There r osticjed everywhere
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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