so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
