I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
