remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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