If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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