yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
