he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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