When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need to calm my uterus...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
