Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Randomize
