Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
