12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
